How Can I Manage My Anger?

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Many children and teens labeled as having anger issues actually have anxiety disorders.

Our fight response is a stress a legitimate stress response necessary for survival.

Helping people who tend toward the fight response find healthy "fight" activities increases self-regulation.

I often start intakes with children by asking the question, “Do you know why you are here?” This helps me assess how much they know about their reasons for being in my office, as well as how much they know about who I am, and what my role is. Often, the child will respond with, “Because I have anger issues.” The reason I hear this so often is that most of the children who are referred to me are struggling with a combination of difficulties with emotional regulation and impulse control. In other words, things happen, they have big feelings, and big, often angry responses. The thing that is often being missed by parents, teachers, coaches, treatment providers, and other adults in their lives is that they actually don’t have “anger issues”; they have anxiety disorders.

We often talk about our stress responses, “fight, flight, and freeze,” but then forget that the fight response is a stress response. On the surface, these kids, many of whom are also neurodivergent, look like they have anger issues, but, in reality, they have anxiety issues. When their anxiety is triggered, they go into a fight response. This........

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