What's a Parent's Role?

Take our Authoritative Parenting Test

Find a family therapist near me

Putting your phone in another room, not just face-down, signals to your child that this time is theirs.

Letting your child lead during Special Time also meets their need for autonomy, reducing power struggles.

A child who hears yes during Special Time is more likely to accept a no from you when it really counts.

In Part 1, we looked at why children show attention-seeking behavior—and why the most effective response isn't a firmer boundary, but a more consistent source of connection. Special Time is that source: a short, daily block of one-on-one time where your child leads and you follow, phone out of the room, full attention on them. Ten minutes a day, done consistently, meets the need that's been driving the behavior.

But knowing what Special Time is and actually doing it well are two different things. Here's what makes the difference.

How Do I Build a Better Relationship With My Child?

Special Time works because it targets something specific: your child's need for connection with you. But there's a difference between spending time together and spending time in a way that actually meets that need. These five practices make the difference.

Put your phone in another room. Not face-down on the table. Actually out of the room. Even a quick glance at a notification pulls you out of the present moment—and your child notices. A phone on the table, even a silent one, signals that they're competing for your attention. This is their time.

Put your phone in another room. Not face-down on the table. Actually out of the room. Even a quick glance at a notification pulls you out of the present moment—and your child notices. A phone on the table, even a silent one, signals that they're competing for your attention. This is their time.

Let them lead. Ask what they want to do. If they don't know, suggest something they often ask for, or something they always say yes to. Adults control most of what children do all day. Special Time also addresses a child's need for autonomy—and when that need gets met consistently, they spend less of the rest of the day trying to wrestle control back from you.

Let them lead. Ask what they want to do. If they don't know, suggest something they often ask for, or something they always say yes to. Adults control most of what children do all day. Special Time also addresses a child's need for autonomy—and when that need gets met consistently, they spend less of the rest of the day trying to wrestle control back from you.

Say yes as much as you can. If they want a pillow fight and you're exhausted, you don't have to do the full 10 minutes of pillow fight. Two minutes counts. Then you could suggest a dance party. The goal is to make yes your default when it's safe to do so. A child who hears yes during Special Time learns that their preferences matter to you—and that makes them more........

© Psychology Today