How Can I Manage My Anger?

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Ancient Stoic teachings about managing anger continue to ring true today.

Scaling back expectations of others can go a long way to defusing anger.

Delay weakens anger’s momentum: Breathe slowly, count backward, or briefly walk away.

Uncontrolled anger can lead to wanton aggression, heated conflict, and a host of negative consequences. But doesn’t anger serve a useful purpose, motivating us to right a wrong, address a grievance, or correct an injustice? Not really.

Whatever useful signal anger may provide in alerting us to a wrong we may have suffered, acting in anger often makes matters worse. Anger doesn’t extinguish fires but only adds fuel to them, clouding our judgment and inciting us to act on impulse regardless of consequences. We don’t need to feel anger to rectify unfairness or respond to an insult. We can act assertively, not aggressively, to remedy situations we perceive as unfair or undeserved, while also keeping our cool.

The Stoic philosophers of ancient times had much to say about anger that still rings true today.

Anger Is a Choice, Not a Reflex

As the Stoic sage Epictetus advised, “If someone succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation.” It may seem that anger is something that happens to us, not something we make happen. We may say we are overcome by anger, as though it acts on its own accord. But anger is a choice, not a reflex, although it may not be a rational choice.

The human brain is preprogrammed to respond quickly to provocations, all the better in preparing us to either flee or fight off a perceived threat or hostile encounter. We can quickly become “hot under the collar,” but we can also give the........

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