Anger is quite complex and layered. For the sake of simplicity, there are two main types of anger that are relevant in this post: primary and secondary. Primary is a direct, automatic, and reflective response to being violated, mistreated, or put in danger. Primary anger mobilizes us to fight back, flee, and/or protect ourselves. This is when anger is the main and pure emotion.

This post is more about secondary anger, when other emotions are fuelling it but only anger seems to be externally expressed. These other, deeper emotions underneath secondary anger are usually a variation or mix of hurt, shame, fear, guilt, and or sadness.

A lot of research on anger management is focused on the individual and that person’s need for more self-regulation. What's often missing is the systemic, attachment-based interplay (many back-and-forth interactions in rapid sequence) between that person and their families or other relationships that reinforce the anger issues. While it's still the person's individual responsibility to work on themselves, it's important to notice patterns playing out that are bigger than individuals.

In my practice, I've seen secondary anger to be........

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