Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a robust, empirically supported model for couple therapy (the main focus of this post), family therapy, and more recently individual therapy as well. I've been supervising Master's students (trainees) in the model since 2020. The ideal readership for this post is EFT therapists more than the lay public, even though couple therapy clients and those interested in relationships can also benefit from this post. So, if you're reading this, I assume you're familiar with basic EFT vernacular, as I don't define every term or concept. Here are five key errors and lessons for therapists that my trainees have taught me over the last few years.

1) Not referencing and acknowledging the negative cycle enough: Therapists should use the couple's cycle to help ground themselves and their clients in the session. EFT trainees often get stuck when they don't realize the cycle is controlling each client's behaviors, at least to a degree. The therapist can also get looped into the cycle, too. Out of the cycle, clients tend to feel more autonomous and more empowered to make their own choices in terms of what's best for them and their partners. In other words, the cycle usually restricts the variety of available options and responses to each other that couples can use when they are in conflict. It’s important that therapists point out to clients when they’re in the cycle, and help the couple to notice it. Clients noticing when they're stuck in their cycle is fundamental to their healing. When couples become fiery, tense, or emotionally distant in session and you start losing leverage, you can ask if they want to show you during the session how they argue out of session, or if they want you (the therapist) to intervene more proactively. It's a rhetorical question that's likely to solicit more client cooperation (and welcome your interventions) over time.

2) Trying to go too deep too fast:........

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