What Are Defense Mechanisms?

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Understanding a pattern doesn't always lead to changing it.

Some of an individual's most established patterns were developed through experience, not explanation.

Sometimes, change needs a new experience—not just a better understanding of the old one.

I work with a lot of smart people.

And I’m not just saying that because I like to think that I must be smart if smart clients want to work with me. No, these are genuinely intelligent humans. They rapidly progressed in their careers and invented new ways to solve old problems. These are people who are used to figuring things out.

And it should come as no surprise that they apply the same rigor and logic to their work in the therapy room. They can tell you their attachment style, trace their childhood patterns into adulthood, and recognize when the part speaking is actually the voice of their parent. But that doesn’t always translate into change—and these brilliant folks get frustrated when they find that understanding themselves isn’t enough.

Not to knock understanding! As a species, we are meaning-makers. Whether it’s looking at the sky and writing myths to explain natural phenomena or obsessively solving today’s Wordle, we are wired to find patterns, solve puzzles, and understand the world around us. I’m just saying that understanding has its........

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