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We all experience some adversity in life, but what makes some of us better able to walk away from trauma and suffering seemingly unscathed?

Resilience defines our ability to resist adverse outcomes and stems from the Latin word “resilientia,” meaning “to rebound.” More recently, resilience has been viewed by researchers as a dynamic concept rather than an individual trait. Rather than being a static personality trait, resilience is positively affected by systems of support and strong relationships (Denckla et al., 2020; Pearson et al., 2025).

Embracing instability as a natural part of life increases our resilience, according to Dr. Suzan Song, MD, PhD, an internationally recognized humanitarian psychiatrist, anthropologist, and leading advocate for the most vulnerable populations of the world. She explores the true nature of resilience and how readers can cultivate it in their own lives in her book Why We Suffer and How We Heal.

Heather Rose Artushin (HRA): Share a bit about your background and what inspired you to write Why We Suffer and How We Heal.

Suzan Song (SS): As a psychiatrist and humanitarian mental health adviser, I've worked with people across the spectrum of despair – from egregious human rights violations to those who are affected by the more common daily life struggles of grief, loss, and rupture.

I became fascinated by those who could flourish with a sense of grounding, despite the odds; one would assume that human trafficking and hostage would render someone nonfunctional. Yet, I met many who were the opposite. They not only survived, but thrived with a sense of ease and even joy.

I wanted to know if they were born with some resilient gene or had some special personality trait, and if so, is it something that we could all learn?

HRA: Why is our collective longing for stability not necessarily what’s best for us in the long run? What unexpected gifts does instability offer to us?

SS: From early in our lives, we're implicitly taught that stability is the ultimate path to life success. In our work, relationships, and life generally, we feel stability should be the norm, and any deviations from it rare.

If a major life challenge comes our way, we want to move on as quickly as possible: barrel through, head down, just get through it. That misses an opportunity as it leaves us unprepared. Because the reality is, at some point all of us will experience instability—it's an equalizer.

Some events may be our choice, but others not. At the end of the day, stability is merely an illusion. The more we can understand and accept this, the better we can prepare for the life turmoil that will inevitably come our way.

HRA: What three keys to resilience have you discovered in your work? How does storytelling play a role? Where might bibliotherapy fit into this paradigm?

SS: Across culture and context, I found that those who were able to find a sense of grounding and ease through life's challenges had one common trait: the ability to embrace instability. They did so using some form of narrative, ritual, and purpose.

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Narratives are the stories and explanations we tell that shape our reality and perceptions of the world. While some are conscious, many are shaped by our reconstruction of memories, as well as hidden narratives we've developed to protect from unmet needs.

Bibliotherapy can help play a role in helping people locate their own experience to better understand and clarify their narratives.

HRA: In your book, you discuss how rituals can build a bridge from insight to change. How have you applied this principle in your work with clients? How might readers implement this idea in their own lives?

SS: Rituals can serve as an emotional scaffolding. While narratives provide insight, rituals provide structure to that insight – they embody our narratives. In practice, they help ease anxiety, honor what was lost, and engage in transformation and reintegration.

In sports, many athletes engage in a performance ritual (ex. Steph Curry's tunnel shot before a game, or bouncing the tennis ball 19 times before a serve). When a client is feeling anxious about an upcoming event, finding a small ritual can help scaffold their emotions: rubbing a pebble they carry in their pocket that reminds them of strength or opening their arms wide before an important meeting to remind them to take up space.

Rituals also expand to supporting other emotions – most cultures have a grieving ritual to help people process the loss of a loved one. When we're not sure how to reintegrate into a world without them, simple rituals such as saying hello or having a brief conversation every morning with the deceased can help tether our reality with our loss.

HRA: How has your global humanitarian work informed your perspective on resilience?

SS: I was trained in the U.S., and as such, most of my training about resilience was focused on insight and autonomy – that we build resilience through a careful examination of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, perhaps with a loved one, but mostly through our own introspection.

What I've learned over the past decades of working across contexts and cultures, is that while that approach can be extremely helpful, many people across the world have less of a focus on self-optimization or self-regulation, and actually get through adversity relationally – through a sense of belonging, a felt sense of mattering to another, and through co-regulation.

HRA: What do you hope readers take away from spending time with Why We Suffer and How We Heal?

SS: My goal is not to help people heal alone. It's to remind people that they were never meant to do life alone in the first place.

While life's instabilities can shatter our sense of self and leave us feeling unmoored, we can call upon tools that are accessible to us all – regardless of who we are or where we're from. Loss, rupture, and challenge are part of the human experience, some of them wanted, others not. When we accept this truth, we can better prepare ourselves during instability to find a sense of grounding and not lose ourselves within it.

Denckla, C. A., Cicchetti, D., Kubzansky, L. D., Seedat, S., Teicher, M. H., Williams, D. R., & Koenen, K. C. (2020). Psychological resilience: an update on definitions, a critical appraisal, and research recommendations. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 11(1), 1822064. https://doi.org/10.1080/20008198.2020.1822064

‌Pearson, E., Sharp, L., & Hampton, L. (2025). Resilience in context: a synthesis of theories and practices for educational psychologists. Educational Psychology in Practice, 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1080/02667363.2025.2518990

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