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Most adults have started to fall in love only to have something go wrong in their relationship formation.

There is a point at which joyous attraction can turn into stress and anxiety early in a relationship.

You can understand this "flip" in terms of attachment theory, operant conditioning, and biological processes.

Most adults have fallen for someone romantically at some point in their lives. But most of us do not end up with the first person we fall for or with the first person who falls for us. So, what happens on the way to shifting from the initial romantic attraction phase of a dating relationship into a more lasting and exclusive coupling?

One thing to watch for is what I call “the flip”

The flip is something that happens when your own perceptions and emotional system lead you from feeling good to feeling bad in a relationship. It occurs when, at first, you are approaching a dating relationship with excitement and enthusiasm because it makes you smile, fills you with good feelings, and leaves you calm and relaxed. Then something happens that turns this good feeling into a bad one, where you are trying to keep from losing this great thing you found. This “flip” leads to feeling vulnerable, worried about heartbreak, and highly stressed.

Obviously, this can be very confusing… so what happens?

You can understand the flip in terms of attachment theory, operant conditioning, and biological processes

In relation to attachment theory, you have four basic attachment styles (secure, dismissing, preoccupied, and fearful). Each comes with its own way of seeing the social world, expecting different outcomes, and controlling emotions. People with secure styles generally see the world as safe and predictable, themselves as lovable, and other people as caring and willing to provide support. So, they tend to expect positive outcomes in relationships. And........

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