The Importance of Forgiveness

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Forgiveness does not erase painful memories, but it can reduce their emotional sting.

Authentic forgiveness often depends on real repair.

Unforgiveness is not always unhealthy—it can sometimes be a sign that trust has not yet been restored.

We all know the phrase forgive and forget. But does forgiveness really help us forget? A recent study has verified something that most of us know from experience—it does not. Think about a time someone betrayed you, lied to you, broke a promise, or let you down emotionally. That moment probably stayed with you for a very long time. Even when you want to move on, the memory can still carry pain, anger, or sadness.

So if not forgetting, what exactly does forgiveness do?

Research suggests that forgiveness does not erase the memory of what happened. Instead, it may change the meaning of the memory so that it becomes less painful. In other words, we do not forgive and forget as much as we forgive and update (the memory).

Forgiveness Can Change the Emotional Meaning of a Memory

The findings suggest that when we forgive someone, our brain may “update” the emotional meaning of the painful event. In the study, people were shown upsetting images that had been deliberately chosen for them by other people. Later, they learned that one of the people who had........

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