Take our Dementia Test

Find a therapist to help manage stress

Caregiving can strengthen family bonds and build resilience across generations.

Caregiving others can boost mood, purpose, and emotional well-being.

Children gain empathy and confidence when included in caregiving.

Since the term “sandwich generation” was first introduced in 1981, referring to those who were caring for young children and aging parents at the same time,1 a lot has changed. In fact, you could say that the sandwich has become a double whopper. Life expectancy has increased, so it’s often not only our young children and our parents we care for, but also grandparents and even great-grandparents who may be alive and need care.

Because the cost of higher education and daily life has also increased, our grown children and their children—our grandchildren—and our partners’ parents and relatives may also need our financial help and emotional support. Anxiety about holding onto jobs, therefore, has become more likely, and self-care less likely.

The hidden benefits of caregiving

But here’s the good news: Despite caretaker fatigue, the financial squeeze, and role-strain guilt, most of my patients tell me that all this caretaking is not having a negative effect on their psychological or physical health. Research findings suggest the same conclusion.2 In fact, there seem to be many benefits resulting from all this caretaking.

We are neuronally wired to help each other, so acts of altruism trigger the release of serotonin, the feel-good hormone.

Cross-generational caretaking can help us feel like we have repaid a debt we never thought we could repay.

Family connections usually become strengthened when siblings help each other care for their parents, and we feel part of a greater group.

Resources are generally gathered and shared, which increases our sense of control and competence.

Helping others along their life journeys helps us predict what may come next for ourselves as well as for those we are helping, and when our ability to predict what comes next increases, stress and anxiety typically decrease.

Caring for other generations can give us a sense of purpose.

Caretaking the elderly can make us feel young and strong by comparison, though we're frequently tired.

Helping children share a caregiving parent

The question that keeps coming up, however, is this: How do you give children what they need from you when they are sharing you not only with siblings, but also with older generations?

First, be aware of the dynamics that may confuse children. Although you are their primary caregiver, you may now also be a primary caregiver to your own parents, who may be equally as needy as your child or children. Reassure them that sharing you with grandparents and others who need help is as much a part of family life as sharing you with siblings. And every time they help you with chores, meals, or even caretaking, count it as time together—and help them see it that way, too.

Then emphasize what their grandparent, for example, is adding to their life rather than just taking away time with you. They may be an additional listening ear, someone who can read with them, play games, or watch special movies.

Encourage them to develop their own relationship with the relative who is being cared for. Task them with searching for jokes to share, drawing pictures to be pinned up, or creating a special song.

Show them photos of those who need caretaking now, when they were younger and taking care of you. If there are no major memory problems, have them interview their grandparent or great-grandparent about Mommy or Daddy when they were little.

Let the child know that they are making that older person happy. It will introduce them to altruism and empathy, and both will be reinforced by the good feelings they will have about themselves.

Take our Dementia Test

Find a therapist to help manage stress

When my grandmother was living with us and being cared for by my mother, my job was to make care packages for her. I would decorate a paper bag and include candy, of course, a stuffed animal I had outgrown, and whatever else I found in the house. I loved the project, my grandmother said she loved the surprises, my mother thanked me, and the experience helped me define myself. To this day, I am in a caretaking profession.

1. Miller D.A. Sandwich generation: Adult children of the aging. Social Work. 1981;26(5):419–423.

2. Carr D., Utz R.L. Families in later life: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and Family. 2020;82:346–363.

3. Freedman V.A., et.al. The changing demography of late-life family caregiving: A research agenda to understand future care networks for an aging U.S. population. The Gerontologist. 2024;64(2):1–7.

© Psychology Today