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A study shows that 28 percent of adults experienced at least one episode of estrangement from a sibling.

Some siblings choose estrangement not as punishment, but as a boundary for protection after years of abuse.

Estrangement reduces harm, but also brings loneliness, stigma, complicated grief — and a chance to heal.

Many regard the sibling bond – the relationship that lasts longer than friendships or even the parent/child relationship – as unbreakable and essentially supportive. But recent research challenges that assumption, with 28 percent of adults in one study reporting at least one episode of estrangement from a sibling.

Often, those who distance themselves from a sibling are seen as impulsive, cold or unforgiving. Friends and relatives may judge them harshly, with statements like, “But he’s your brother,” or “How can you stop speaking to your only sister?” Even worse, some wonder, “What’s wrong with you that you can’t get along with your own family?”

But unacknowledged psychological forces may actually be driving some of the “28 percent” who chose to cut off. A long history of insults, gaslighting, competition, and family favoritism may exist. Often underpinning these relationships is a deep power imbalance, wherein one sibling absorbs the hurts and keeps showing up anyway.

In other words, a dominating sibling may have a pattern of entitlement, chronic envy, lack of empathy, blame-shifting, manipulation, and inability to tolerate anyone else’s needs. These are the qualities of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD); however, clinicians view narcissism on a spectrum. Nearly everyone occasionally exhibits self-centered or egotistical behaviors.

A person with the full-blown disorder has rigid, severe traits that deeply disturb relationships in all areas........

© Psychology Today