Confucius taught us that repeated conduct makes the person.

Social media and AI are also systems of repeated conduct, but they were designed by someone else.

We can take the training back, one repetition at a time.

A few weeks ago, someone took our work. He posted it on social media as if it were his own: no attribution, no acknowledgment, not even a nod in the comments. Naturally, I was furious. And within 20 minutes, I had written a post naming him and laying out exactly what he’d done.

Thirty years ago, I would have published immediately. But time has taught me a few things, so I gave it an hour. And sure enough, by the end of the hour I had written a second version. Same facts, but a much calmer tone, and instead of posting it, I sent it to him privately. He didn’t apologize or withdraw it; instead, he doubled down and continued on his merry plagiarizing way.

I moved on—some people are simply not worth engaging with. But it left me with a question: Which version was the real me? The angry post felt more alive. The second version felt like a compromise, maybe even a small act of cowardice, the kind of thing you do because you have a reputation to manage.

I’ve come to think that’s the wrong question. Both versions were me. The question that matters is, what was I training myself to become?

What Confucius Knew About Manners

One description of what I did is that I censored myself. I had a real reaction, and I edited it for public consumption. That’s how our culture tends to read........

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