Understanding Child Development

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Middle childhood is often overlooked between toddlerhood and adolescence.

During these years, children become more independent and emotionally self-directed.

Parents must adjust to new forms of closeness, often with quiet grief.

Researchers still know surprisingly little about how parental identity evolves during this stage.

As I watched my youngest bounce out of school to give me a hug, I was struck by a twinge of joy and sadness. Kindergarten is coming to an end. We are now fully in middle childhood. This means increases in self-regulation, deeper friendships, and an inevitable broadening of her social circle, with her parents not necessarily at the center.

This phase is often forgotten, sandwiched between the emotionally volatile toddler years and the deeply emotional ones of adolescence. But these years matter deeply, both in the lives of our children and in our evolving identities as parents.

There are huge differences between how a six-year-old and a twelve-year-old handle the disappointment of being left out of a playdate. While the six-year-old will likely run to be comforted by a parent or close caregiver, the twelve-year-old may close their bedroom door and process the emotional letdown alone. For the parent, it feels very different to co-regulate. In many respects, it's easier to talk through emotions with an older child than to co-regulate with a........

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