There are times when an apology can make you more upset. It can be confusing because you want the disagreement to be resolved and to move on. However, there is something about the apology that widens the chasm between you and the other person. Identifying three signs of a toxic apology may help you clarify why the apology is so upsetting.

First, does the apology contain justifications? The apologizer may not actually be taking responsibility for their behavior, but rather using the apology to justify, excuse, and minimize their transgression. Second, does the apologizer try to shift the blame to you? Third, if the apologizer conveys an air of moral superiority, they may be trying to teach you a lesson in place of taking responsibility for themselves.

For example, Lisa is upset with Ann because Ann has not been attending many family functions lately.........

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