In my work in the trenches with families, I gain insight into the underlying meaning of a child's behavior and what they need to overcome a challenging situation or difficult feelings.

Often, what ends up being most sensitive and effective is counter to popular parenting strategies, ala this common scenario: Parents finding that when they cheer their children on, hoping to motivate them through a hard thing, it has the opposite effect—their kids get more agitated.

Each time I hear one of these stories, I have this flashback:

Back in the '80s, I went on a ski trip to Lake Tahoe with friends who had grown up out West and love powder.

I had learned to ski in the tundra that is Vermont (pre-

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