A common conundrum for many parents who seek my consultation is how to impart important lessons to their kids who won’t listen. Their kids reject, argue, shut the conversation down, or put the blame on their parent. As is often the case, less is more in these situations. The more you try to get your child to absorb the information you want to impart, the less likely they are to tune in to and internalize it, as these stories below show.

Mara sought my consultation to get a better handle on how to help her son, Micah (5), who tends toward irritability and a glass-half-empty “victim” stance, get through the morning routine. He often wakes up on the wrong side of the bed and it devolves from there; no clothing options are acceptable, the breakfast is “gross,” he whines about everything. Mara has worked very hard on how to support Micah through the necessary tasks. She is now able to manage her frustration and stay calm. She doesn't fall into the trap of trying to coax Micah out of his bad mood or to make it all better by accommodating him. Instead, she acknowledges his discomfort and crankiness through each step while she holds to the plan and the limits.

She tells him it’s his job at 5 years old to dress himself because he's fully capable of........

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