Decades as a practicing psychologist have left me with some important life lessons. Maybe these will help you in your relationships with others and with your own struggles.

A psychologist lets her clients’ stories and feelings flow through her, the way one lets a tea bag soak in a cup of hot water while the tea remains inside its boundaries. When one client leaves, she withdraws herself from that cup and immerses herself in the next. This is a life skill that applies in any intimate relationship: how to stay intact as a separate self while staying close to those you love.

Feeling extremely close is different from becoming one. As an example, if your partner is upset over something at work, you can listen attentively, express your love and concern, and offer your opinions. What you don’t want to do is get sucked into their misery so that it becomes yours too. The skill to learn is how to be kind and helpful without making your partner’s struggle your own.

If your sense of self is shaky or you

© Psychology Today