A meaningful apology consists of what I refer to as the 3 Rs: regret, responsibility, and remedy.

In order to truly feel regret we must be able to have empathy for those we have harmed.

The final step—processing the traumas that created your abusiveness—will be ongoing.

These are the final steps in my seven-step process for healing abusive behavior.

Step 6: Learn how to give a meaningful apology and experience empathy

In the previous step (#5), you were asked to acknowledge to your partner (or older child) that your behavior has sometimes been abusive. The next step is for you to apologize for that behavior. Apologizing to your partner (or older child) for your abusive behavior or attitude will not only be healing for them, but for you as well. We are not talking about just any apology; we are talking about what I call a meaningful apology. A meaningful apology consists of what I call the three Rs of apology—regret, responsibility, and remedy. Unless all three of these elements are present, your partner will sense that something is missing in your apology and they will feel short-changed. Let’s take a look at each element in detail:

Regret—a statement of regret for having caused hurt and damage to the other person. This includes an expression of empathy toward the other person, including an acknowledgement of the hurt and damage you caused this person.

Responsibility—an acceptance of responsibility for your actions. This means not blaming anyone else for what you did and not making excuses for your actions, but instead accepting full responsibility for what........

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