In the 40 years that I have researched, written about, and consulted with twins about what it is like to be a twin, many meaningful and useful ideas have come to my attention. I learned that missing your twin is a focal self-experience that can never be emotionally avoided without serious damage to a twin’s overall sense of self. Losing your twin is the loss of a part of your psychological self. Obviously, you need to process your feelings of missing your twin so your own sense of self can avoid depression and identity confusion.

Remarkably, some twins pretend or convince themselves that they can deal with the loss, or just absence, of their sister or brother, intellectually (by the intellect alone). But practically speaking, dealing with twin loss alone or ignoring your pain is a short-sighted approach that creates serious emotional vulnerabilities. At worst, not dealing with twin loss can be dangerous or detrimental to mental health, to developing present and future interpersonal relationships, and to self-actualization.

In my experiences working with twins, it is extremely unusual for a twin to ignore a sense of loss when they do not or cannot see their twin. I believe acknowledging that there are many different reasons for twin loss is extremely necessary. A few of the most obvious causes are illness and death, estrangement, separation at birth, and the necessity to live far apart for economic or........

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