In November 2016, Psychology Today published my first narrative about my replacement child legacy. Since that time, and since the 2017 publication of my book, When Will I Be Good Enough: A Replacement Child’s Journey to Healing, much more has been written and researched about replacement children as a more formalized, acknowledged group. Replacement child syndrome is regarded as parents replacing a deceased infant with another pregnancy and subsequent child (Robertson & Kavanaugh, 1998). Parents might experience unresolved grief in letting go of their deceased child. In addition, parents might be emotionally unavailable and might have challenging relationships with the new child, which can affect him/her later in life. To address such issues, the Replacement Child Forum was created by Judy Mandel, Rita Battat, and Kristina Schellinski. More recently, Schellinski co-founded a new network, Replacement Child Professionals, which provides clinicians with skills and solutions. Schellinski’s own experience as a replacement child is an outstanding overview of her experiences and research in her 2020 book, Individuation for Adult Replacement Children: Ways of Coming into Being.

As a child born to replace my dead brother, I never viewed myself as a victim of these circumstances or that I was anything less than wanted. When I was very little, it never entered my mind that I was a replacement for my dead brother Jeffrey, yet my mother often told me that she only wanted two children. Once my critical thinking skills developed, though, I asked myself the eternal question: If Jeffrey had lived, where would I be? I remember asking my mother as well, and she just looked exasperated and didn’t respond with the words I had hoped for: My greatest joy was having........

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