Emotional health is the ability to have access, choice, and control over your self-states.

A crucial self-state that energizes and lifts you and your relationship is called the wondrous child.

The wondrous child is an archetype in all of us, even if your childhood was full of trauma or pain.

Co-authored with Galit Romanelli

It's Lesson 13 in the course Interventions in Family Therapy. Today I'm teaching the three parts in each of us: the parent, the partner, and the child. The class wasn't getting it. I decide to demonstrate. I look around and see Nadir.

Nadir is an older, distinguished clinic director. A seasoned social worker with three kids and seven grandchildren. He is serious and wears his suit properly.

I turn to him and ask, "Nadir, when's the last time somebody lifted you in the air?"

He froze for a second. A wave of surprise crossed his face. Then he burst out laughing. His eyes glittered. The whole class turned to look at him.

His wondrous child came out.

That question came unplanned, from deep inside me. From my own wondrous child.

That part many of us lost touch with.

"I'm not loving the job I'm in."

"All in all, our marriage is stable but not exciting."

"I'm comfortable, but something is missing."

Every day in the clinic, we meet people looking for something. They can't name it. Their lives range from content, to dull, to bad. Something is missing and they go searching for it. A new job. A new house. A new partner. They are surviving life, day after day, but they're not living it.

What they're missing is in reach. It's inside them.

What's missing is their wondrous child.

There are many theories about our........

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