The Challenges of Divorce

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In my work as a collaborative divorce coach, child therapist, and parenting counselor, the most common questions people ask about divorce tend to fall into one core theme, typically expressed as: “How do I know if divorce is the right decision?” or “Did I make the right decision?”

This question shows up in many forms:

The ambivalence and a lack of clarity about making the decision: Should I stay or should I go?

Is my marriage fixable? Have I done everything possible to repair it?

How do I know if it’s really over? How do I make such a hard decision?

Am I ruining my life? Will I regret this?

How will divorce affect my kids, my security, and my other relationships? Is it a mistake?

Research suggests that divorcing parents rank worry about their children as their primary fear: “How will this affect my children?”

Partners also search for meaning or try to make sense of their situation, and the breakdown of their marriage. They ask, “Why did this happen?” Was it communication? Personality differences? Infidelity? Emotional neglect? Midlife crisis?

When we face difficult times, we naturally try to understand by creating a narrative, or a story about what happened: “We fell out of love,” or “We can’t fix our relationship.” Sometimes the story is about blaming the partner for the failures of the marriage.

Other common questions include:

“How long will it hurt?” Grief, shock, anger, regret — we want to know now how long this pain will last, and when life will feel normal again.

“Could we have saved this marriage?” We often question ourselves about whether we have tried hard enough or done all we could to save the relationship. People often ask about counseling, discernment therapy, and separation vs. divorce.

“Will I ever be happy again?”/“Will I ever find love again?” This question is more existential and is especially common among long-married individuals. This question may not be asked aloud, but it often underlies many of our thoughts and feelings during and after divorce.

These questions can feel overwhelming and sometimes paralyzing. If you are struggling with questions such as these, a therapist can help you explore the underlying worries such as:

Ambivalence about the decision

Fear of regret in the future

The impact on children and how to support them

Hope for repair and possible reconciliation

Self-doubt, anxiety, anger, and grief

Spending a few sessions in therapy could help you move through the painful questions. You'll be ready and empowered to make a plan and face the future with confidence.

© Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. 2026.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

The Challenges of Divorce

Take our Relationship Satisfaction Test

Find a therapist to heal from a divorce

© Psychology Today