During an online discussion with my neighbors, one of them shared a deeply unsettling experience. She had been verbally and physically assaulted by a woman who lived further down the street. She managed to capture the latter part of the encounter on camera, providing evidence of the hostility she endured.

As our community rallied around her with words of support and sympathy, one comment in particular caught my attention. Someone suggested that the aggressor appeared to be acting out of an intense sense of fear and perceived danger, so much so that she might have become a danger herself. This insight resonated with me, as it reminded me of many clients, I’ve worked with who have experienced trauma. Their pain often manifests in ways that surprisingly mirror the very harm they once suffered. As the saying goes, “Hurt people hurt people”.

This left me with a difficult question: To what extent should we extend grace to someone who has suffered trauma and reacts defensively as a result? And at what point must they be held accountable for their actions?

I can think of countless clients who, when faced with certain triggers, become reactive as a means of........

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