Arguments, fights, disagreements, and disappointments are common in relationships. This is not the problem. The problem comes when we don’t know how to handle these challenges.

There are all kinds of things we fight about, from who loads the dishwasher the “wrong” way to issues of betrayal and distrust. We think that it is only the big issues that get us to fighting in ways that could potentially destroy the relationship but that is not true. Even the smallest issues can escalate into a really big fight.

Why is that? Well, there are lots of reasons, but here we will explore the one that has the most power over us. That is our unresolved issues from the past. The "past" could mean the distant past, as in childhood, or the more recent past, as in another previous relationship in which you were treated badly or someone cheated.

When we start a new relationship, we are often very hopeful that this person is “the one.” This is the person of our dreams. Even if we are pretty well grounded and not full of fantasies about how a relationship should work, we still have certain expectations in the beginning. Some of these may have been discussed openly before the relationship........

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