The Fundamentals of Sex

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Erection difficulty is often about more than just attraction.

Process your emotions before trying to problem-solve.

Talk about it outside of the bedroom.

Focus on non-penetrative pleasure to lower the pressure.

You’ve started to notice your partner has had difficulty maintaining erections. He isn’t saying much about it, but you can tell he’s bothered—he apologizes, he ends the intimacy, maybe he even starts avoiding sex.

You’re upset, too. You were looking forward to a moment of pleasure and connection that just abruptly ended. You want to help your partner but aren’t sure how. Sex starts to feel tense or stressful. Worry develops that he’s no longer attracted to you or that he’s seeking attention elsewhere.

All of this is common in couples navigating erectile problems. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. Whether you are the wife, husband, short-term partner, or long-time love, you want help—for your partner, yourself, and your relationship.

The following case is a composite with client details anonymized to protect privacy.

Mel and Dave had been together for three years. They had infrequent sex throughout their relationship, but rationalized it was due to living apart. After two years, they moved in together. Dave began experiencing erectile problems, and their sex life dwindled further. Mel worried, “Is it me?”

It’s Probably Not You

Sometimes, erection loss does occur in relationships because of a loss of attraction. But that is........

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