The Fundamentals of Sex

Take our Sexual Satisfaction Test

Find a sex therapist near me

Anger arises in response to a specific, undeserved, and perceived injustice.

Makeup sex can strengthen intimacy and reaffirm relational stability.

Anger sex generates desire through transgression and emotional intensity.

Both lose value when they substitute for communication.

“Love implies anger. The man who is angered by nothing cares about nothing.”— Edward Abbey

Anger seems more visible today—both in romantic relationships and in society at large—than in the past. Workshops, therapeutic approaches, and self-help books increasingly aim to limit, regulate, or even eliminate anger altogether. But does this trend actually make us happier in our romantic lives? And might anger, when properly understood, sometimes play a constructive role rather than a destructive one?

“Anger is one letter short of danger.”— Eleanor Roosevelt

Distinguishing anger from hate is essential. Anger is typically aroused in response to a specific, perceived injustice—an undeserved offense that diminishes one’s standing or well-being. Hate, by contrast, does not arise from a particular act but from what we take to be the other person’s enduring character, as though their negative behavior reflects “who they are” rather than what they have done (Ben‑Ze’ev, 2000, ch. 13). As Jon Elster observes, in anger we reason that “because they did something bad, they are bad,” whereas in hate we assume that “because they are bad, they do bad things” (1999, pp. 64–67). This distinction echoes Saint Augustine’s well-known claim that moral anger should be directed at the sin, not the sinner.

The Moral Value of Anger

“A man is........

© Psychology Today