Allow me to paint a picture that I am sure will be all too familiar to the heterosexual women reading this article. You finally crawl into your bed after a long day, your body is exhausted and ready for the soft embrace of sleep. The bedsheets are clean and crisp. The pillows, soft and inviting. Your mind beckons in the hazy swirl of distant thoughts, and you start to drift off into a deep slumber – when suddenly, you are jerked back to consciousness by a certain, firm prodding into your lower back.

Your partner and his penis have arrived to disturb your rest, but rather than shooing him away as one would a stray dog, begging for scraps, you decide it’s easier to just roll over and “get it over with”.

This is not sex without consent, but nor is it sex where both parties are enthusiastically raring to go. This is sex to keep the peace, sex because you think you should – sex because it’s just easier than saying no. This is what has been dubbed “mercy sex” and it is alarmingly common.

A recent paper, published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, defines “mercy sex” as “sexual act(s) between consenting parties in which the female willingly participates not to satisfy her own sexual desire or arousal, but rather to fulfil an obligation.”

I gave that definition to a long-time married friend, only for her to laugh and say: “So just normal sex then?”

Personally, I strongly object to the term “mercy sex”, as this denotes a level of power and conjures up images of the women bestowing sex upon a pathetically grateful man, when the reality is far more complex. Feeling obligated to have sex when you don’t really want to is far........

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