Life is full of hum-drum irritations, isn’t it? On this long list of largely insignificant inconveniences, one of my enduring peeves is that ‘tear here’ to open tab on, say, a packet of biscuits.

Perhaps I’m just a fumbling imbecile, incapable of following the most rudimentary of instructions, but every time I attempt to unfurl a fresh sleeve of Malted Milks by adhering to the ‘tear here’ guidelines, the whole thing ends up looking like I’ve attacked it with a bloomin’ angle grinder.

Violent slits here, unsightly gouges there, a top layer of mutilated biscuits crumbled everywhere? Good grief. This infuriating palaver generates the kind of crushingly awkward footering, fiddling, muttering and mumbling you’d get when Captain Hook tried to apply some ointment to an area of particular sensitivity. What an excruciating farce.

All of this, of course, doesn’t really have anything to do with golf, does it? But then, when did this column ever start with anything to do with golf?

In a roundabout way, you could liken those pesky ‘tear here’ tabs to LIV Golf because the Saudi-backed breakaway circuit has ripped into the game’s status quo with all the elegance of your correspondent trying to prise open a packet of Malted thingamabobs.

The reported multi-million........

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