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The New Yorker : Daily Shouts |
Hi, your dad’s friend Bill here. Neither your father, nor I, knowing very little about you, have any confidence that you can be expected to handle...
To keep March Madness interesting, why not go with your mom’s alma mater? Or the college with a celebrity’s kid?
My thirteen-year-old daughter needed a dress for a wedding, so we went to Aritzia in the Short Hills mall.
I decided I would give my children a traditional spin on Pop-Tarts. I started with the first step of any traditional recipe: screaming.
“I’ll most likely be able to get there a little after 8!” = Bring granola bars. You’ll eat your first bite of dinner at 9:17 P.M.
Internal memo: Meet our new suite of A.I.-optimized losers and douche bags. Although they are fully agentic, we’re sure they will annoy you in all...
“I Turned $10 Into $1,000,000 in One Week—Here’s How!” What it actually means: I very slowly added five zeroes and two commas.
It totally screams “Maya,” because she’s within driving distance, last I heard, so I probably won’t have to pay for shipping.
When clock radios, film cameras, and the Yellow Pages ruled the world.
It’s so important to care about your health, and you’re so clever to check!
Dang, no lashes left behind with this curler. It even reaches those tiny corner lashes. Lifts, separates—the works. Also, the first time I used this...
Hold up . . . do you even own an oven mitt?
“Keeping Cough,” “Theraphonia,” and, oh, yes, “polio”: common ailments in the age of R.F.K., Jr.
In this comedic short, the new Wordle producer derives immeasurable joy from watching people fail.
Think you know what reading is? Think again. Test-driving The New Yorker’s newest technological breakthrough.
Your partner’s exes can get inside your head—and they might just enjoy a few mimosas while they’re in there.
Some women seem to have it all. How do they make it look so effortless?
Zeph McDonough takes a tour through the Annual Great PUPkin Dog Costume Contest, and talks to its quirky participants.
The Most Interesting Man in the World judges ideas for The Talk of the Town.
In a funk: They couldn’t help but notice that the over-all vibe of the online chatter was negative.
How do you expect someone to find love, when they don’t even know what love is?
If you are deemed attractive while sitting on the toilet, call the police. You are being spied on by a pervert. It might be time to plaster over the...
Make noise. A lot of noise. Imagine you’ve just encountered a bear.
You’re going to love my ability to nod and smile while people awkwardly thank me. White bread, straight ahead. That’ll be my slogan.
He knows your rhythms, your insecurities, your REM cycle—your cycle. He’s made himself needed, and now you don’t exist without one another.
Your interest in baking is a lie, although your interest in baked goods remains very much true.
What kind of mischief and mayhem can five mysterious letters cause?
Maternal Labubus and whimsically shaped surveillance drones available now.
Infection can occur while browsing lymphatic rompers on Goop. Left untreated, you may end up making your own laundry detergent.
Using a demon is not cheating. Cheating is pawning off somebody else’s work as your own. A demon is not “somebody.” A demon is a being of pure malice.
Seriously, it’s electrifying how many third rails exist whenever he’s around, such as politics, or any subject that doesn’t revolve around him.
I’m not saying that the apartment’s a hotbed of narcotic activity, but does anybody need that many plastic baggies for sandwiches?
Je vais à la bibliothèque avec mon ami Brad Pitt.
“My Super Sweet 36th Birthday” and “Punk’d: Medical Bills” available for streaming now.
You need assets that grow in value constantly, like original paintings by legendary artists, or houses that haven’t been carried away by drones or...
Relationship advice from the internet: on Friday Afternoon Sex Clubs, adoption, and synchronized waterskiing.
Speaking of, it’s time for me to turn your gas stove off.
Accomplished: Mom made partner and ditched skinny jeans; I quit cello and started seventh grade; Dad looked for a job.
The lower section of this trail is gentle and promises landscape features familiar to most millennials, including plenty of heckin’ puppers and...
Our chairs are for sitting on, not for constructing elaborate forts.
On today’s episode of the podcast, why mommies are obsolete and naps are for the weak.
With a single tap on the screen, I open the blinds, with another, I turn on the espresso machine, and with a third, I review the footage from my Ring...
Given the wild fluctuations in the market, I did what anyone with a crippling dependence on pencils would do: I took inventory.
Oh, I won’t ask for much this Christmas, mainly because “asking” suggests that you’re doing me a favor, when, in actuality, I’m setting some...
It is easier for me to write my truth than to speak it.
Close your eyes. Breathe in. Experience “Titanic” and “The Wizard of Oz” the Chloé Zhao way.
“A Child’s Christmas in a Waymo,” “Alan Dershowitz Is Coming to Town,” and more.
You may get up to use the restroom, but only between sides. During songs, please remain still. Any movement above shoulder level will be interpreted...
Ideas for under the tree: Expired canned goods? Nonworking appliance? Unwanted adult child?
“I must hire this reviewer to write the screenplay for my next project!”
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