In the slick word of Western medicine, why hasn’t this horrible test been updated?

October 9, 2026 — 8:30am

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In the slick world of Western medicine, where hearts are transplanted and organs regrown, you would have thought some brainiac would have invented an alternative to the colonoscopy by now.

I know there are many other ways of investigating the bowel, like scans and stool tests. I even came up with the brilliant idea of creating a super-enema to help with preparation. I was going to call it the frenema – as in the “friendly enema”.

Before I applied for this patent that would pump squillions into the family trust, I did my due diligence. I Googled to see if it had been thought of before. Yes, it had, and no, this wouldn’t work as an alternative since it would only clear the lower bowel. Bummer.

There’s no getting around it. As many a medical journal will tell you, the colonoscopy is the “gold standard” for checking your gut and simultaneously shearing away any polyps. I see a gilt-lined intestine leading to a gilt-lined BMW in the doctors’ car park.

But, of course, it’s not the colonoscopy per se that’s the problem – unless you’re my friend who had one in a southern Italian hospital WITHOUT anaesthetic. As those who’ve experienced it know, it’s the preparation. Although it’s vital to prepare well for this important procedure that saves lives – so don’t stop doing it – it doesn’t mean you have to love........

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