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Start Wearing Headphones on Planes or You’ll Get Blacklisted

Gone are the days of judging people from afar for their bad taste in YouTube and TikTok content on United Airlines flights.

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United Airlines recently announced that anyone playing phone audio without wearing headphones could be banned.

First reported by CBS News, the Chicago-based airline updated its passenger agreement on Feb. 27 to state that anyone who plays audio or video content out loud can be denied transport and, in extreme cases, permanently banned.

The change occurred without much fanfare, even though it should have been rolled out with a grand procession and a ticker-tape parade. Along with the company calling every other airline a coward for bowing to the whims of the rude and inconsiderate.

United Airlines Will Kick You Off a Flight for Playing Audio Out Loud

Airlines have a broad authority to police behavior on flights thanks to the legally binding terms passengers agree to when they buy a ticket. The updated language gives United the right to remove someone from a plane or deny future travel if they violate certain conduct rules, with the headphone requirement having been added to the “Refusal of Transport” section.

United is classifying it as a safety issue, which I’m guessing isn’t for the flight as a whole, but for the person blasting their phone audio, who is liable to get their a** whipped.

It seems like an especially important rule for United to implement as in-flight Internet connectivity improves and becomes the norm. United specifically has been expanding onboard Internet access via Starlink. More Internet access means there is a greater chance of someone on the flight forcibly making their TikTok for you page everybody’s TikTok for you page.

Any passengers who forget to bring their headphones won’t be forced into monk-like, deep meditative contemplation for their cross-country flight. They can get free earbuds available upon request.

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