Get unlimited access to everything VICE has to offer.

Turn off all ads on VICE.com

Exclusive New VICE Documentaries

Member Exclusive Features & Columns

Turn off all ads on VICE.com

Exclusive New VICE Documentaries

Member Exclusive Features & Columns

Turn off all ads on VICE.com

Exclusive New VICE Documentaries

Member Exclusive Features & Columns

4 Magazines Delivered to Your Door

We independently evaluate all of our recommendations. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission. Learn more here.

The Best Borderline TMI Sex Toy Reviews on Amazon

We go straight to the horny source to find out what’s worth buying.

By Gigi Fong | Reviewed by Ysolt Usigan

Share on X (Opens in new window)X

Share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Facebook

Share using Native toolsShareCopied to clipboard

There’s an Amazon link for literally everything, and whether you’re shopping for new tweezers or a new suction toy, you’re bound to scroll all the way down to the review section and see what reviewers have to say.

On the sex side of Amazon, they get very comprehensive. Almost like you’ve accidentally listened to someone’s confessional… It’s so chaotic but informative because every embarrassing question you have is already answered and delivered.

After scanning through thousands of reviews (yes, thousands), I noticed a few trends. One, the couples that open with “I bought this for my wife/husband” are the real fuckers. I’d love to be a fly on that wall. Anywho, their descriptions are always so thorough, and it’s very helpful to hear first-hand what it was like introducing a new toy into the bedroom. It’s one thing to bring out the Gluck Gluck 9000 during sex… but is it going to throw off my partner at first glance? Things like that.

Solo fuckers tend to be more thorough on how things feel. Whether the suction was a hit or miss, for example. They’ll break down the exact vibration pattern use, with special techniques provided. It’s like online reviews deliver what sex education missed, while helping you elevate your orgasms. Win-win. Also, what messy bitch doesn’t love reading about someone else’s sex life? Exactly.

Keep reading for our favorite Amazon reviews that make us want to click “Buy now.”

“very kind words of encouragement to all my fellow artists”: KINGDEMER pocket pussy

Realistic pocket pussy? Literally every toy promises that. According to one horny reviewer, the Kingdemer Realistic Pocket Pussy made him “love life again.” It seems this review was left right before post-nut clarity kicked in because it reads like I’m crashing after a full body O. 

“Thank you so much to whoever made this, you are totally a lifesaver. I appreciate u so much, my man, you’re an amazing person. Thank you so so much,”........

© Vice