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The ‘Butterfly Effect’ Could Explain Why Your Relationship Is Falling Apart

Small moments of neglect, missed bids for attention, and everyday acts of kindness can add up to major changes in a relationship.

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You didn’t see it coming. No one ever does. One day you’re fine. Months later, you’re sitting across from each other at dinner with nothing to say, both trying to figure out when things got this bad.

There’s a name for how little moments can add up like that. Meteorologist Edward Lorenz coined the term “butterfly effect” to explain how a small change in one part of a system could eventually have drastic consequences elsewhere. In relationships, it can be the time you didn’t look up from your phone, the good news that you met with a “that’s cool,” or the decision you made without asking. At the time, each one is easy to brush off. Months or years later, those moments can add up to something much bigger.

John Gottman spent a lot of time researching this very thing. During decades of observational research at the University of........

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