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4 Magazines Delivered to Your Door

‘Musterbation’ Is a Real Psychological Term, and You Might Be Doing It

Psychologists call it ‘musterbation’: turning everyday wants into rigid demands that can make setbacks feel like personal failures.

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Before you read another word, think about the rules you’ve made for your own life. Maybe you have to hit a certain career milestone by 35. Maybe getting divorced would mean you failed. Maybe disappointing your parents still feels somehow forbidden, even though you’re old enough to have lower-back pain and a favorite brand of trash bags.

Psychologist Albert Ellis had a name for this: “musterbation.” A ridiculous word for a very familiar behavior. In his work on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, Ellis argued that people make themselves miserable by turning preferences into demands. You don’t just want to succeed.........

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