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The Internet Is a Godless, Hysterical Place, Week #72

I need someone to bring me a VR fishing rod before I turn this 3D-printed gun on myself.

By Adam Christopher Smith

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Welcome to RATED AND SLATED, the column that’s terminally online so you don’t have to be.

Digital literacy is going to hell. Someone out there needs to redeem the growing army of boomer “screenagers,” so I’m going to start preaching at food courts and malls, gathering up the retirees as they sodcast AI slop on their leather-encased iPads at full volume.

I’m going to do that by reading these RATED AND SLATED columns aloud, giving them the “absolute good truth shit that every1 has been waiting to hear in this sea of lying crap nonsense.” My new followers will be wowed by these sermons, completely unaware that I’m just recycling old @dril jokes.

i am eating at the counter at a diner and a pair of baby boomers are just sitting here with an ipad, speakers on full blast, watching reels of AI slop. there are maybe 10,000 sentient human beings on earth pic.twitter.com/prD3317BxK— doomer (@uncledoomer) October 18, 2026

i am eating at the counter at a diner and a pair of baby boomers are just sitting here with an ipad, speakers on full blast, watching reels of AI slop. there are maybe 10,000 sentient human beings on earth pic.twitter.com/prD3317BxK

After I’ve led them out of the darkness of anthropomorphic fruit drama and assorted memecoin freaks, I’ll inevitably be hanged from the cross.

And when I ask, “My God, why have you forsaken me?” a blurred photograph of Jack Nicholson will appear in the sky, and loudly intone that “theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron.”

JUST IN: New AI tool called "GatGPT" reportedly allows users with little firearms knowledge to design & manufacture 3D-printed guns.— Polymarket (@Polymarket) October 20, 2026

JUST IN: New AI tool called "GatGPT" reportedly allows users with little firearms knowledge to design & manufacture 3D-printed guns.

There’s a vibe-coder somewhere asking AI for a 3D-printed version of “The Culture.” He’s hoping once he has it no one will be able to laugh at him when he uses the term “gat.” Until then, better stick with “firearm” or “projectile-launching device”—that 3D-printed grill ain’t fooling anyone.

COFFEE AND CONTEMPLATION IN THE TESLA CYBERCAB

Coffee and........

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