It’s the kind of social situation that makes a lot of people break out in a cold sweat. You walk into a room full of strangers and instantly feel nervous. How am I supposed to make any of these people like me? For decades, we’ve been told that we can “win friends and influence people” by being the most charismatic and commanding presence in the room. The true secret to connecting with people, however, may not be about putting on a show.

A new study published in the Journal of Psychological Science reveals that our social success hinges on leaning into two distinct types of behavior: communal and agentic.

Both have their distinct purposes. Knowing exactly when to use each of them, though, is the ultimate interpersonal life hack and key to making a good first impression.

The secret weapon for making genuine connections

The need to connect on a human level applies to a wide variety of situations. From wanting to attract a potential dating partner to building networking relationships in business, it’s our communal behaviors that help us engage with others—and keep us engaging. This includes knowing how to put people at ease by projecting warmth and empathy. It’s also the art of active listening, as opposed to just nodding and waiting for your turn to speak. Those who take the time to engage on a personal level and ask thoughtful follow-up questions demonstrate genuine care and interest. The result: your likeability factor skyrockets.

@philosophyminis How can you be more likeable? We all want to be liked by at least a few people, because we are a pack species, and we want to get along and to fit in. And so, in 1751, the philosopher David Hume argued that there are five things that anyone can do to become more likeable. First, give up your ego and have good manners. Talk about yourself a bit less, but ask........

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