You go on three great dates. The conversation is easy. They text constantly for a week. Then they disappear for two days. When they return, they act as if nothing happened. You go along. You want to ask why they didn't respond, but you refrain. It might make you seem too needy. Best to just play it cool.

Scenarios like this aren't only confusing. They're exhausting. But the real villain isn’t men, women, or some culture war issue—it’s dating apps. 

Through dating apps as a technology and as a business model, insecurity has been structurally built into modern dating.

More than 350 million people worldwide now use dating apps, generating over $6 billion annually. Yet users are faring worse by almost every psychological measure. A 2025 U.K. cohort study found that dating app use was associated with greater loneliness, while general social media showed no such effect. Many studies have linked dating app use to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and psychological distress. 

People are not just frustrated with these apps. They are leaving, or giving up on dating altogether. The Los Angeles Times reports that since 2022, Tinder’s U.S. monthly active users have dropped from roughly 18 million to 11 million. What many of these daters don’t realize: the bad workman really does have bad tools. 

As a clinical psychiatrist, I have personally determined that dating apps can create an environment that accentuates insecurity and may stifle secure relationship building.

The psychology of dating apps and insecurity

One of the most consistent findings in neuroscience is that the brain treats relational uncertainty as a threat. When........

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