There’s a message going around this time of year that we all know well. It can come over whatsapp or email, on the phone or said in person. It goes out to close family and friends, co-workers, and people we haven’t seriously thought about since last Elul. It’s a message we’ve all sent and received, and it goes something like this:        

“I hope you have a wonderful year! Please be mochel me if I said or did anything that may have hurt you”. 

The response usually comes within minutes: 

“Of course! You too. And I hope you’re mochel me as well!”

Our custom is ancient and rooted in tradition: Yom Kippur atones for what stands between a person and God. It does not atone for what stands between one person and another. God cannot forgive sins committed against another person- for that, you have to go to the person.  

But tellingly, I don’t think anyone has ever refused to grant me mechila, and that’s not because I’m a tzaddik.  To be completely honest, I probably wouldn’t send this message to someone I knew had a reason not to be mochel me, or to someone whom I was not willing to be mochel. Somewhere along the........

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