And it came to pass in the days of Donald Trump – the Donald Trump who reigned from Florida to Alaska over fifty states – that in those days when President Trump sat in the White House which was in Washington, the capital. In the fifth year of his presidency, he made an inaugural feast for all his donors in the court of the White House. There were decorations of gold, and more gold, and McDonalds was served in accordance with the preferences of the President.

Melania, the first lady also made a feast for the women in the house of President Trump. On the seventh day, when the heart of the President was fat from Big Macs, he ordered his advisors to bring Melania before the President wearing Dior to show off to the people and the officials her beauty. But Melania refused to come.

After these things, when the wrath of President Trump has subsided, he remembered Melania and what she had done. Then the President’s advisors said, “Let there be sought for the President obsequious heads of state that they may gather together in a Board of Peace.” This advice pleased the President and he followed it.

There was a Jewish country in the Middle East called Israel, the name given to Jacob, son of Isaac, son of Abraham, the first Jew. And it had elected Bibi, that is Benjamin Netanyahu. The man was cunning and when the previous government dissolved, Israel elected him as Prime Minister. So, it came to pass when the President’s bidding and decree was published that Bibi came to the White House. And the President loved Bibi and he won more of his grace and favor than all the other leaders so he invited him repeatedly to the White House.

After these things, President Trump turned his attention to Khamenei, the Supreme Leader above all the officers of Iran. And all the terror groups of the Middle East would bow down and prostrate themselves before Khamenei for he would fund them with his oil money. But Israel would not bow down or prostrate itself. When Khamenei saw that Israel would not bow down and prostrate itself before him, then Khamenei was filled with rage. So, Khamenei sought a nuclear bomb to destroy Israel and the United States – the backers of Israel.

And pundits said in the presence of the President, “There is a certain country, ruled by colonizers from peoples across the world. Their crimes are different from the crimes of every other country. They do not observe even basic democratic laws. Therefore, it is not befitting for the President to support them. If it pleases the President, let it be recorded that they should abandoned, and it will benefit the President’s poll numbers as well.” And the President said, “I will let their enemies do with them as they see fit.” The President went to play golf, but the people of Israel were bewildered.

The people of Israel learned of all that had happened, and they cried loudly and put on their uniforms and reported for reserve duty. And they came until the borders of Israel, for it was forbidden for them to attack beyond the borders. And Bibi’s ministers told him about it and he was greatly distressed. And Bibi’s advisors pleaded with him to go to the President. Now, all the people in Israel had watched the President’s meeting with Volodymyr Zelensky. And they understood that if anyone meets with the President without his favor, their country would be abandoned, except the person whom the President should invite into the office decorated in gold. Now Bibi had not been invited to the White House for the past thirty days.

And Bibi said to himself. “If I keep silent at a time like this, deliverance will not come to Israel from some other place. I know that it was just for such a time as this that I attained the premiership.” Now it came to pass that Bibi donned his suit and stood in the inner court of the White House. When the President noticed Bibi, he won his favor. The President extended an invitation to Bibi to sit in the office decorated in gold. The President said to him, “What is your request? Even if it takes half my air force, it shall be granted to you.” Bibi said, “If it please the King, participate in a bombing raid to destroy Iran’s nuclear facilities.” Then the president commanded, “Tell the bombers to hurry and fulfil Bibi’s wish.” So the President joined in the bombing raid that Bibi had prepared.

That year, the Nobel Prize eluded the President so he ordered that the book of records be brought and be read before the President. There it was found recorded that the President had ended eight wars and had done more for peace than anyone had ever done before. “What prize has been given to me for this?” asked the President. “Only the FIFA Peace Prize” replied his advisors. The President said, “What leader can we depose next?” Now Khamenei was in the news for he had just murdered 10,000 protesters and the President said to his advisors, “What would be done for the man who deposes Khamenei?” And his advisors said, “For the man who deposes Khamenei, he would be led through the world with a Nobel Prize around his neck and the Nobel committee will proclaim ‘The Nobel Peace Prize is given to this man who deposed Khamenei.’”

And Khamenei told his wife and his friends everything that had happened and they said to him, “If Israel, before whom you have already begun to fall is allied with this President, then you will not prevail against them, but you will undoubtedly fall before them.”

Now the President came to another meeting with Bibi and asked “What is your request? Even if it takes half my air force, it shall be granted to you.” So, Bibi answered and said, “If I have won your favor and if you want to win the Nobel Prize, let my country be spared. For we are under existential threat and are to be destroyed, bombed, eliminated.” Thereupon the President exclaimed and said to Bibi, “Who is it? Who dares to do this to you?” And Bibi said, “An adversary, and an enemy! The wicked Khamenei!” Then Pete Hegseth, one of the President’s advisors said “Furthermore, the USS Gerald Ford has entered the Mediterranean Sea.” And the President said, “Assassinate Khamenei!” so they assassinated Khamenei and the President’s ego was satisfied.

That week, the President allowed Israel to assassinate all of Iran’s leadership. And Bibi said, “If it pleases the President and if I have won his favor, let us also bomb Iran’s nuclear program and ballistic missiles.” And the president said to Bibi, “Behold, I have assassinated Khamenei. You may bomb whatever targets you desire, in the President’s name and with the President’s signature, and without approval from Congress.” So, all of the President’s advisors were summoned and it was ordered exactly as Bibi had requested. And letters were sent to all of the Israeli pilots to the effect that the President had permitted the pilots of every squadron to destroy, bomb and eliminate every target in Iran. And Bibi left the President’s presence and was called “King Bibi,” as if clad in royal apparel of turquoise and white with a large gold crown; the Jews of Israel were cheerful and glad and were overall very supportive of the war. Israel had light and gladness and joy and honor, though they knew that they would be running back and forth to bomb shelters for a while.

And so in the week of the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, which is the month of Adar, the Israelis struck the Iranians with their bombs, destroying and annihilating them as they pleased, just as Iran had planned to do to Israel. And no one stood in their way for they had destroyed Iran’s air defenses in the previous attack. And they killed dozens of military leaders including:

Aziz Nasirzadeh                      and

Ali Shamkhani                        and

Mohammad Pakpour              and

Hossein Jabal Amelian           and

Yahya Hamidi,                           the military leaders of Khamenei.

That same day the number of targets struck in Iran was reported to the President. The Jews throughout the diaspora organized themselves and defended themselves from their enemies but did not lay their hand on the spoils. That was in days leading up to the thirteenth day of the month of Adar and they celebrated on the fourteenth day, making it a day of feasting and gladness. But the Jews who lived in Israel were under rocket fire on both the thirteenth and fourteenth and so had to make a day of feasting and gladness subject to the guidance of the Homefront Command.

Bibi recorded these events and held press conferences for Jews throughout the land, charging them that they should observe annually these days on which Israel defeated its enemies, and the month which had been transformed from the commemoration of an ancient victory into the celebration of a modern one. They were to observe them as days of feasting and gladness, and for sending delicacies to one another and gifts to the poor, but all subject to the guidance of the Homefront Command.

For Ayatollah Khamenei, enemy of all the Jews had plotted to build a bomb to destroy the Jews. But when Bibi appeared before the President, he commanded that the wicked scheme should recoil on its head and that Khamenei should instead be destroyed. And at some secret meeting, a pur (that is, the lot) was cast in the presence of the President to know when the attack would occur, from day to day and from month to month. And the lot fell to the twelfth month, which is the month of Adar and historically an auspicious time for the Jews to smite their Persian enemies.  Therefore, because of all that had happened to them, the Jews undertook upon themselves to observe these days, without fail, though Israelis were slightly lax about some of the Homefront Command rules against gatherings.

President Trump levied tariffs on countries throughout the world. All his mighty and powerful acts were reported extensively on Fox News. And Bibi the Israeli was friends with President Trump; he was a great man among the Israelis and found favor with the multitude of his people (though many remained staunchly anti-Bibi); he sought good for his people and was concerned for the welfare of his legacy.

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)