Language influences the way we relate to each other and ultimately defines our culture. When it comes to words of affection, English is missing out.

The words we have at our disposal shape the way we connect. In English, terms of endearment are reserved for loved ones and intimate relationships, but in other languages words of affection are baked into everyday speech. In many languages, this innate intimacy changes the way people relate to each other. As a result, English yields a culture that tends to be more reserved, whereas languages like Spanish, Hebrew, Italian, and Arabic lend themselves more easily to cultures that foster warmth and connection. 

For example, in Hebrew the common term of endearment “chaim sheli” (which literally translates to “my life”) is often used between male friends, family members, romantic partners, the mailman, and everyone in between. 

In Spanish, “cariño,” “mi vida,” and “amor” are used similarly, as are terms like “habibi” in Arabic, “tesoro” and “amore” in Italian, “meu bem” in Portuguese, “mon cœur” in French, and so on. 

Love bleeds out of these languages in a way that in English it simply doesn’t.

An avid traveler with a deep interest in language and culture, I’ve been curious to explore the psychological, cultural, and emotional implications of languages that use terms of endearment more casually, versus those which use them more sparingly, as in English.

What are the cultural consequences of languages that use affectionate language more freely?

The way we relate to each other, feel and think about each other, and communicate with one another is heavily influenced by our speech. In short: words matter. 

According to the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, known more accurately as linguistic relativity, our language shapes the way we perceive the world and thus influences our decisions, behavior, and relationships. That is to say, words have attached meanings beyond their definition that can influence thought and behavior (OpenStax, 2022). And while language doesn’t necessarily determine or limit our thoughts, it does help guide them.

So how does this manifest in cultures where terms of endearment are built into everyday speech?

I would argue that languages which prioritize affectionate words establish a natural framework for a warmer interaction, thereby strengthening social bonds. For example, in Israel, it’s common during encounters between strangers (when ordering a coffee, checking out at the grocery store, or being introduced to a friend of a friend), for one to call the other “chaim sheli” or “motek” (sweetie) after a brief exchange. The same can be expected when it comes to interacting with close friends, family, and romantic partners. Right off the bat, addressing someone using these terms of affection breaks down the barriers of formality and sets the tone for a more positive social interaction, priming those involved for an exchange that’s warmer, more comfortable, and familiar. The simple act of using this type of affectionate language in everyday speech strengthens social bonds and makes us feel more connected to one another.

With an innate skew toward emotional distance, is English missing out?

In contrast to languages like Hebrew and Spanish, English has emotional distance baked in. While words like “babe”, “honey”, and “sweetie” do exist in English and can even be casually used in some English-speaking regions (in America’s Deep South, for example, these words evoke the warmth associated with Southern hospitality), these terms of endearment tend to be too intimate and affectionate for those outside your closest friends, romantic partners, and family members. Lacking the casual use of terms of affection, English speakers lose out on the natural framework for closeness and social connection found in many other cultures.

Research conducted by anthropologist and linguist Anna Wierzbicka found that English-speaking cultures often struggle with emotional expression. She attributed this to a cultural tendency to prioritize rationality and to present emotions in a more reserved way in public, rather than through overt displays. According to Wierzbicka, Anglo cultures place a strong emphasis on personal autonomy and individualism, teaching individuals to self-regulate and exercise “emotional restraint” rather than imposing their feelings on others. In contrast, more community-focused societies encourage reliance on the group for support, making public expressions of emotion more socially acceptable (Wierzbicka, 1999).

So if affection isn’t verbalized as often, does it become harder to express? Native English speakers often show affection through actions rather than words — through hugs, high-fives, pats on the back, or even gentle teasing and sarcasm. Instead of relying on direct terms of affection, English speakers signal connection through gestures, humor, and effort. Affection isn’t missing from English-speaking cultures; it simply manifests differently — more in showing how you feel rather than in saying it. While this isn’t wrong or bad, it does miss out on the advantage that comes from embedding terms of endearment into everyday speech: the effortless framework for connection and bonding that many other cultures enjoy.

Speaking multiple languages broadens cultural understanding

As a native English speaker, I can’t help but feel English could learn a thing or two from other languages which foster a natural sense of familiarity and warmth. Having learned secondary languages later in life, I find myself unconsciously adapting casual terms of affection into the way I think (in any language) and in the ways in which I convey warmth. Over time, these languages and their cultures have become part of who I am, and I find it much harder and less natural to convey warm sentiments without the terms of endearment I’ve grown accustomed to using. For example, when interacting with native English speakers with whom I want to express my affection, I find myself instinctively reaching for words like “chaim sheli” and “amor”, even though out of their linguistic context these words won’t make sense.

I resonate with this Turkish proverb which captures the experience of being multilingual: “One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.” Those who speak more than one language often find certain emotions are easier to express in one language than another, and it’s common to feel like different elements of your personality are amplified in different languages. I’ve noticed this phenomenon in myself — feeling more free and outgoing in Spanish and more blunt and direct in Hebrew than I am in English.

This shift is a result of the way we interpret a language’s culture. When you learn to speak a new language, you do so by mimicking the cultural nuances, vocal inflections, and social queues of native speakers. Understanding a language is thereby inseparable from understanding its culture, which broadens our access to other points of view and global outlooks.

In closing: words matter

The beauty of language is that it’s constantly evolving and it’s never fully closed or sealed. Returning to the concept of linguistic relativity, while the words we use and the languages we speak influence the way we think and understand each other, language remains fluid rather than limited. As the world globalizes, cross-cultural exchange is more readily available to us and we’re able to borrow words and expressions from other languages and cultures more easily than ever before. 

In this way, traveling, meeting people from other cultures, and learning new languages expand your perspective, giving you access to different ways of thinking and relating to others — some of which you may find more natural or appealing than those ingrained in your own culture.

So while English — widely regarded as the world’s foremost international language and a powerful connector across nations, ethnicities, and religious and cultural backgrounds — doesn’t champion words of affection in everyday speech, that doesn’t mean it is flawed or lacking. It simply operates differently. Where English tends to exclude casual affectionate language, other cultures weave it naturally into daily interaction, often creating a warmer framework for connection. Recognizing this small but meaningful distinction broadens our cultural awareness and becomes a first step toward understanding the broader human experience.

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)