I had so many thoughts in my mind over Shabbat. I thought I would sit down and write them. I apologize if they are disjointed; we live in disorienting days.

I believe that Mashiach will come. I believe that this land was promised to Avraham and the Jewish people. I have no idea how that translates into the current political reality. Is the State of Israel the Beginning of the Redemption? Or will it be destroyed and the people exiled, as already happened twice? I know that God’s promise that the Jewish people will live in/have sovereignty over Israel does not apply in all cases and all times, because a) we’ve already been exiled twice and there were 2,000 years of Jewish history where that was not the case b) the Torah lists explicit sins for which the punishment is God kicking the Jewish people out of Israel. I think that theological humility requires acknowledging I don’t know what God’s plan is.

I feel so ethically uncomfortable with the current Israeli government. I am worried we were pressured into this war by America because we’ve become a vassal state. I am worried we have a government that prefers war over peace. This makes it harder, because I’m not only afraid, I’m also angry. I’m worried about endless war, and angry at a government that has been so callous about civilian life in Gaza. I don’t trust them.

Do I raise my children as a majority culture where they can live freely as Jews but must sometimes duck into bomb shelters, or as minorities where life is generally safe but they need security protection every time they go to synagogue and must hide their kippahs in their pockets? A life where they are safe as long as nobody knows their Jewish identity?

Optimism is not just a necessary survival technique; it is an act of resistance. To love, to plan for a better tomorrow -with these, we give ourselves precisely what those who send us missiles wish to send our way.

Praying for safer days ahead.

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)