There is a moment in life when you realise that the place you were born is not the place where your soul belongs. People today identify as all sorts of things. Some identify as another gender, some as animals, some even as eternal babies. Humanity is a strange species with an endless imagination. So I decided to embrace my own identity as well. I identify as transgeographical, born in the wrong country.

Because if I am honest, I never truly lived in the Netherlands. I survived it. The climate has been a lifelong enemy, triggering asthma and bronchitis from childhood onward. The mentality never suited me either. In the Netherlands you must be careful not to stand out. If you are different, you become a target for bullying or judgment. The landscape never touched my heart. Endless flat fields, grey skies, cities that smell of pollution and dampness. I never felt rooted there. My heart never settled.

But Israel did what no other country ever managed to do. No matter how many places I visited, only Israel felt like home. The dry climate never made me suffer from bronchitis. Only the air conditioning indoors could bother me, but outside I could breathe freely. The landscapes are diverse and alive. Hills, mountains, beaches, deserts, forests, modern cities, ancient stones that whisper history. A society that is both progressive and deeply connected to its past. Modern hospitals, clean water, a level of safety and infrastructure that many countries in the region can only dream of. You can drink from the tap without fear of diseases that are common in places like Egypt. Israel is a miracle of resilience and innovation.

Whenever I am in Israel, I travel the entire country. From Mount Bental in the Golan to Eilat in the far south. From Ashkelon and Ashdod to Tel Aviv. I know every stone. I have walked through cities, national parks, historical sites, Arab towns, Israeli towns, kibbutzim and moshavim. My Dutch habit of bringing my own food and drinks is useful because Israeli prices can be shocking. Maybe it is because I am a tourist, maybe not. But the connection I feel to the land is deep and real.

Yet this connection also carries a dark shadow. Through my NGO, Time To Stand Up For Israel, I infiltrated several hostile WhatsApp groups. One of them belonged to members of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade. On October 6th, 2023, I noticed strange messages. Ins’hallah. Good luck. May Allah be with you. The number of messages exploded. Something was clearly happening. At 16:00 my time I contacted someone inside an NGO that deals with intelligence and security. Unfortunately, he was religious and had already turned off his phone for the evening. I decided to wait until the next day.

But the next morning I woke up to the horrific images and videos of October 7th. The euphoria in those chat groups was sickening. Since that day my heart carries a scar. I still struggle with the thought of what if. But another part of me knows that if I could see it, the professional intelligence services must have seen it too. When you live in Israel you are in the eye of the storm. You do not always notice what people abroad can see. After years of relative quiet, people were not alert anymore. It was a tragic mistake, but the blame lies solely with Hamas and those who support terrorism.

Now, with another war unfolding, this time involving Iran and Lebanon, I ask my friends in Israel how they are doing and whether they are safe. And it is strange. My body is in the Netherlands, but since October 7th my soul has been in Israel.

I try to write. I try to understand why some Israelis choose to leave the country. The controversy is enormous. I would give everything to live in Israel, yet some Israelis are leaving. I hope they remember something important. Only in Israel can a Jew truly feel safe to express their identity. Only in Israel can the Jewish people live as a majority culture, with their traditions, their language, their history and their future protected.

Israel is not perfect. No country is. But Israel is a place where life feels meaningful, where every stone carries a story, where the land itself feels alive. And for some of us, it is the only place where the heart feels at home.

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)