There are diplomatic missions, there are peace summits, and then there is the inevitable next chapter in the foreign policy of Donald Trump: dispatching Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner to the funeral of Iran’s Supreme Leader—not to pay respects, but to negotiate directly with the Ayatollah’s turban before it is lowered into the ground.

Why waste time with governments when you can negotiate with the wardrobe?

One can almost imagine the scene. The funeral procession moves solemnly through Tehran. Millions gather in mourning. The clerics chant. The cameras roll. Then, emerging from a black SUV, comes the American negotiating team carrying leather portfolios and term sheets. Before the mourners can finish reciting the prayers, someone whispers, “Quick! See if the turban is willing to make a deal.”

Perhaps the turban is more flexible than the regime that wore it.

After all, this has become the defining illusion of Trump’s approach to hostile dictatorships: every fanatic is merely an overlooked real estate developer waiting for the right offer. The problem is never ideology, revolutionary theology, or decades of declared hostility. The problem, apparently, is that nobody has offered sufficiently attractive financing terms.

Maybe the turban simply needs a better incentive package.

The satire writes itself because reality increasingly........

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