Those Israelis, they’re using their infinite money and power to try and influence our pure nation and use us to achieve their shadowy ends. Our unsuccessful war with Iran was started by this shadowy cabal of outside Israeli influences. Our failure to achieve our goals in the war was also caused by this meddling.

They control the politicians I disagree with. They spend their money to buy our leaders. They sow chaos and strife to achieve their goals at our expense. We are a great nation, but........

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