At a recent Sheva Berachot, during Parashat Shoftim, I was thinking about what one might say to a young couple at the beginning of their life together. The Torah begins the parashah with a familiar command:

“Judges and officers you shall appoint for yourself in all your gates.” (Devarim 16:18)

The words “for yourself” are striking. The Torah is speaking about the judges and officers who must be appointed to govern society, but the wording also carries a personal message. Every person has gates that need to be guarded.

Our eyes. Our ears. And, perhaps most importantly, our mouths.

And at those gates, we need two figures: a shofet, a judge, and a shoter, an officer.

The shofet represents the ability to stop and think before passing judgment. In a marriage, that means learning to look at the person beside us with a good eye. To remember the good in the person with whom we have chosen to build our home. Not to rush to interpret every word or action........

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