I confess, I’ve become a lurker. It’s part of a dark trend away from friends

March 29, 2026 — 5:03am

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I still remember my first time. I logged into my brother’s ICQ messaging account and tormented his friends. I remember my first time on social media, when my friend showed me this new site called MySpace where we could demonstrate our excellent taste in music and covertly chat to boys.

But most clearly, I remember my first meaningful time online. It was 2012. I was on my first big solo overseas trip, in a bedroom with a balcony looking over a pool. I arranged the scene carefully, laying out my most precious things. I took a photo on my iPhone, selected the Valencia filter and shared my first Instagram post.

That began my longest online relationship. For the next decade, I posted to Instagram constantly. Early on I was free and easy, sharing friends’ wedding photos with the same enthusiasm as funny signs I saw in shop windows. Then my output went from constant to curated. A favourite fashion editorial, an artfully obscure actress, perhaps an exceptionally flattering photo. Now, it’s rare that I repost more than an infographic on Stories.

When I was compulsively sharing and being shared with, I was expressing the person I wanted to be. I saw my feed as a space for community. But now I’m just lurking. Silently observing the lives (or rather, products and brands) of others. Inevitably, I’ve reached the final circle of online hell:........

© The Sydney Morning Herald