What do I do now that I’m retired? The question should be what don’t I do

September 26, 2026 — 5:30am

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As soon as you retire from your nine-to-five job, people say: “How do you fill your day?”

Actually, it’s easy. Personally, I’m flat out. Let me add up the minutes.

Walking up in the middle of the night and debating with yourself about whether you need to heave yourself out of bed to visit the loo: 20 minutes.

Finally, inevitably, making the trip to the loo: 2 minutes.

Getting back to sleep: 50 minutes.

Waking up in the morning, slightly exhausted: 1 minute.

Putting on your socks: 2 minutes.

Putting on your reading glasses: first, I’ve got to find them.

Sitting down on a chair: 2 seconds.

Getting up again: 15 seconds.

Doing the Friday crossword: 53 minutes.

Complaining to your partner about “that bastard David Astle” and his diabolical crossword clues: 63 minutes.

Conducting your daily exercise routine: 20 minutes.

Having coffee and cake since you deserve a reward for having conducted your daily exercise routine: 90 minutes.

Admiring a flowering plant on your daily walk and realising, miraculously, you suddenly know its name: 5 minutes.

Admiring a bird on your daily walk and realising, miraculously, you suddenly know its name: 5........

© The Sydney Morning Herald