Revenge of the citizens: Let’s text the candidates back, asking them for money

I have been scolded by Hakeem Jeffries, with him saying, “I asked once. I asked twice. I asked a third time. I’m asking again today.”

And from the man who has access to the nuclear codes, I got a message, “My phone’s battery is on 5 percent, so this has to be quick. I sent you an invitation to my Inner Circle, but I haven’t heard back. I want you to advise me! Your final deadline to accept is in 15 minutes.” 

And another one from Trump: “Wake up… ALL HELL IS ABOUT TO BREAK LOOSE! Will you do one final favor for me before it’s too late? If you help me out RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW, I’ll have my team add your name to my Inner Circle Roster, where you can begin advising me on what my top priorities should be.”

J.D. Vance, Ted Cruz, Chuck Schumer, Bernie Sanders, Jim Jordan, Kamala Harris and dozens of others respect me, want my opinion, are making sure I’m the first to know, think I’m essential and — oh, yeah, by the way — want money. The Vaccine Advisory Board chastised me with “Are you getting my texts? You still haven’t responded. I’m reaching out … one last time.” Even the mayor of Chicago thinks I want to support him.

Pols, PACs and special interest groups on both sides clog my email accounts and blow up my phone with pleas and dire threats. The threat is........

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