What a pleasure it was to sit through a tedious football match in which a thoroughly underwhelming England and a resolute Ghana managed not a single goal between them. Because at least I knew who I was rooting for. There’s something worse than watching a match in which your team struggles, and that’s watching a match in which you have not one team, but two. One dog in a fight is stressful enough; two is miserable – trust me.

I went through this in England’s first World Cup match, against Croatia. I’m half one, half the other. A citizen of both countries. Torn.

You may say that I........

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