I want to take a sledgehammer to my new coffee machine. It works very well. No complaints there. It’s just that I can’t bear the way it addresses me, or the way it refers to itself.

I had no such bother with my old machine, which was made by the same company. You put the beans in somewhere, selected what you wanted – long, short, strong, weak etc – pressed the button and Bob was your uncle. A tiny screen indicated your selections and how the process was progressing. Every now and then it issued a command such as “empty grounds” or “fill tank”. Clear, if........

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